“The only thing we have to fear is…fear itself” – Franklin D. Roosevelt

Amanda is in the thick of the sales process with a client she wants to win.  There is a lot riding on this sale because it would mean the largest sale she has ever closed.  It would have a value of well over six figures and represents a new area of business where she has been trying to make inroads for some years. 

She is composing an e-mail follow-up for their face to face meeting. Amanda has spent days on this e-mail because she wants to get it just right.  She wants it to be so perfect that he will unable to say “No”.  She tweaks it and tweaks it and tweaks it some more.  She hesitates for the fourth time to press the send button. What is the problem? Fear.

She fears his “NO”.  Amanda is emotionally connected to his response. So much so that she feels it in the pit of her stomach. 

I know what Amanda is feeling. I’ve been there.  The sale falls apart or the proposal is rejected and I go directly into self-reflection and self-berating mode “What did I do wrong? How did I mess that up? I’m worthless at this.” I blame myself, when in actual fact, there are many things, entirely out of my control, that could have worked against getting a “Yes”.

Good sales people or business builders usually score high in emotional intelligence and are able to make emotional connections with their clients in order to build relationships and develop trust, so that they can provide value.  These skills, when used with high ethics and integrity, not only create better clients and more sales but they allow us to perform our jobs with a higher level of satisfaction and have more fun.

The challenge is to use these abilities in building relationships to gain more business and at the same time, not allowing the emotional connection to work against us when the sale falls apart — when we get a “No”.

It helps to remember that when a prospect says, “No” it could be for anything.  We may not even have been part of the equation. Why?

We are competing with everything that takes up that person’s attention — things going on with his or her employees, office politics, family matters, health issues, even something as innocuous as “I’m planning a vacation right now, and I don’t have time to make this decision about buying your product”.

Separating ourselves from the “No” and looking at it as just information, can help us to take the next step and get back on track in the sales process.  As my friend, and fellow coach, Jason Goldberg says, “Stepping back and giving the person space, without any attachment to their decision, can help us to see that this has nothing to do with our ‘enoughness’”. It allows us to see the importance of servicing that person even more. 

Going further out on a limb, what if we were to embrace the “No”?

What if we were to invite it, even? In his book, Never Split The Difference, Chris Voss says we should frame our questions to our prospects to allow them to respond with a “No” because it’s a powerful tool. He says, “This form of questioning triggers the safety of ‘No’ and then boosts it with Prospect theory — the concept that loss aversion drives action more than the desire for gain. People are 2x more likely to take an action to avoid a loss than they are to accomplish a gain. This is literally a Nobel prize winning concept.”

I like to look at the sales process as a conversation that develops over time. Each conversation, whether it takes place in person, by telephone, or by e-mail, is designed to move me closer to building a trusting relationship with my prospective client.  As long as we can keep talking and he is getting value from each conversation, this keeps the door open for us to eventually work together in a formalized way where fees are exchanged for value given. 

So, how does “No” help us to take the next step?  When a person responds, he is still in the conversation, even if the response is “No”.  As one of my first sales mentors said to me, “No is just another way of saying, not now.”

Instead of allowing that “No” to stop you dead in your tracks, remember, according to Voss, he has disarmed himself.  He has lowered his guard and is open to your proposition.  Now all you have to do is skillfully frame it and allow him to move closer.

The ideal scenario is this. By the time we get to the point of talking about fees, the client will have received so much value that there is no question in his mind that he is making the right decision to work with you.

So, what should Amanda do? What should we all do? Go for the “No”. Press Send. Don’t let it flatten you. Just relax and see what happens.

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Faith Evan West will show you through the transformative power of coaching exactly how to build your unique unshakeable confidence, be the leader of choice to your ideal people & create the work and lifestyle you want.